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I'm gonna start my nofap journey from today and will be sharing daily report in this thread. Wish me anons 1 July 2024
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/BMCG/ - BharatChan MineCraft General
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Rate this Poem anons
Woh kal hee ki toh baat thi, Jo aaj hothon par aakar bikhar gayi, Teri ek jhalak ne, jo khwabon mein ghar kar gayi theen Aur Woh khamoshi bhi aaj fir se nikhar gayi. Uss rozz, jab guzri thi saamne se in naino ke, Dil ne dhadkan ka raaz khud hi...
cried hard for the first time in years
iu1a5u
No.125836
just woke up at 3pm as usual, was listening to music while i was getting up to not feel sleepy again, and i opened by curtains of my room just as the part in the song where the synth kicked in
fuck. it hurts so much. I started thinking about how much i'm a failure of a person I am, how disappointed I have been in myself, how much I've let down my younger brother and all the younger cousins in my family, just how much time I have wasted doing nothing but passively observing this world–MY FUCKING world–from a glass window as I get older.
One of my strongest memories from all 18 years of my childhood that I still remember the most is this one time I was 16 right after my 12th results came out, I was quite into the idea of getting fit before going to college far away so I played basketball with my brother. I remember we'd had a fight about something very trivial, and he walked back home so I continued shooting half-court shots. It had begun to drizzle and I was feeling kind of like an outcast playing alone in an empty park, and the Sun had started setting. I was almost about to go home after 5 consecutive shots when he came, running towards me with an umbrella to fight off the strong gusts of wind, yelling my name. hugged him and we played some more as the rain got worse, though we stuck around because the views of sunset that day were breathtaking, and I remember thinking to myself that Paradise for me would really just be living with my brother and maybe our parents, being able to afford working only 3 days a week, eventually even settling down with my hs crush, just living and dying serenely in one place. If the Japanese can do it, why can't I? And then I remembered.
iu1a5u
No.125843
i haven't seen him in years. I haven't seen any other members of my family in years. I don't talk to them about anything in daily videocalls except what we ate, the weather, and what we saw on the news that day. Sometimes I'll get a new t-shirt or a shirt on my birthday, and I'll return the favour with cake/sweets on theirs. It's definitely not normal, it's unreal how society can accept people leaving their homes to never return. I was born there. I grew up there, had a childhood there, had the same group of friends I knew since the fucking 2nd grade. Why the flying fuck would anyone sane enough to think for 2 seconds leave? What is it that we need that is so important that we must put aside our own family and friends in order to achieve? Personal success in order to ascend a never-ending social ladder and useless material wealth? I would take a 5lpa job in Bangalore over a 50lpa job in any other city in India or the world, not just to be with my family again, but because I know that the land I walk on there belongs to me to the extent every part of the (barring the narthie-majority areas) feels like an extension of my own house, people speaking my language, local temple with my God just down the lane. Millions of years of genetics and natural selection have tailored me to survive precisely in that ecosystem and by not granting me the right to be guaranteed employment in the city/town I grew up in is a massive waste
/TXyva
No.130563
>>125836(OP)
daily thread i guess
i've been descending further into mania...my sleep schedule is fucked up to the point my brain can no longer realize whether it's night or day and equates the glow of my computer's screen in the dark to actual sunlight. I feel too sleepy to function yet can't stop thinking about useless shit when I've got to sleep. Is this what insomnia feels like?
Some days i'll sleep just 30 minutes to 1 hour a night and I'll feel like I have this massive weight on my shoulders and back for a few days the day even if I sleep later on. It just doesn't go away. Other times I'll suddenly fall asleep at 4pm while working and listening to music & I won't wake up till 11am the following morning - literally 20 hours of consecutive sleep with no break in between. The dreams I get are mind-blowing, I try to write them down on paper as much as I can but it doesn't seem right to be sleeping my life away. I mean, is this what life is supposed to be?
i wish i could just go home even though i know that won't make everything right. my entire weekly fitness consists of walking 100m to the local 7-Eleven and buying pre-made meals/noodles and running up/down the stairs to my apartment. back there, I used to be a whole lot fitter despite having less free time. I think people in good shape have good reason to be happier, but i have zero motivation to actually do anything useful despite both my brain and heart fucking screaming raw to get my life in order. if i can't even manage myself properly, how will I get a girl? why would anyone want to marry a loser like me? i can't look myself in the eye anymore, i am a disappointment to my younger self who forewent all those trials and tribulations to get me where I am, and the second i have a stable stem job sending money back home my body/habits/health starts falling apart. it feels just so fucking unfair bros
/TXyva
No.130564
it doesn't help that it's been raining nonstop for 3 fucking months now with barely any gaps so I can't go cycling or walk around the city even if I wanted to
ZejLnZ
No.131905
September 24, 2024 circa 01:30 AM
I know what the general perception of people who blogpost on imageboards is - traditionally very conceited name/tripfags who are seen to only care about their own local fame and disregard the fact that the imageboard was created to facilitate a form of discussion where you wouldn't be held accountable for anything you said, wrote or did in the past. You could be totally flaming an anon in one thread for his shit take on the thread's topic, but agreeing with him in another.
But my purpose for persisting in "blogposting" here is that I fear for my own health. I could just as well do this in a Word document saved on my computer, a Google Doc, or a physical journal, but i will go mad soon if all i do in the span of 24 hours is just re-affirm to myself that nothing is wrong with me through reading and re-reading my entries (half the time i'm dreaming while half-asleep and don't even know whether i wrote anything or whether i'm still in bed). Web-logging on sites or using Github is a dead art, and hence this is the only realistic method left: a semi-dead imageboard populated mainly by lurkers. It brings me comfort knowing that i'm not going crazy and that someone, somewhere is reading this. deep breath
Alright. I woke up at 3pm again today (yesterday?) and made myself some rice curry goyslop for lunch. twiddled my thumbs at work doing nothing but making it seem as if I was productive (something everyone does here and is considered normal) on my work laptop while soloing Antorus in WoW on my PC. Eventually I got bored so I opened my window to smell the scent of the rain and stare blankly at the suburban scenery for almost 30 minutes. came back and listened to a bunch of nostalgic music while applying for jobs - you guys won't believe it but remote work sucks for mental+physical health. nobody to say anything to you, endless silence in your house, etc.
o8s1eN
No.131906
>>131905
>nobody to say anything to you, endless silence in your house, etc.
This is why I want to work in some sort of professional environment, assuming I manage to get a job in the future.
Anyway, I agree with you on blogposting in imageboards. Writing entries in a word document isn't as effective and knowing that
>someone, somewhere is reading this
is a comforting thought.
Keep writing anon. I like your posts.
o8s1eN
No.131907
>>131906
It* is a ....
ZejLnZ
No.131911
funny how both the title and tone of vidrel match my exact state right now. I just wish I had somebody - anybody, really - to talk to in real life. A voice I can map out a face to and talk with. A topic of conversation we could bond on in particular. Hell, i'd take anyone regardless of how they look or sound.
i'm thinking of getting a cat (adopted) but i'm not sure how i'd take care of it's piss and shit. i can barely get myself to shower every day as it is, comb my hair or beard to look presentable in some work calls. How would I even sort out another...entity's life? At least we could die in peace together in a few years...
i never should have taken this role. i'm desperately looking for another job across the world but the ones where i'm even considered are all partially/fully remote (a cruel joke because before getting this job i'd look at these as if they were a dream). expecting a guy that studied his ass off through 4 years of college OF MECHANICAL FUCKING ENGINEERING to just fill out Word proposals and Excel spreadsheets is a colossal waste of human capital
sometimes i feel like just ending it: if you've ever listened to Weezer ("haha lol loser incel band" i know) you'd have definitely heard this
you'd have noticed that towards the ending there's a kind of dichotomy between what he's supposed to be feeling as per society (since materialism and possession of all that he wants in a capitalistic society is le good), and what he actually feels in the dark. i go numb listening to it nowadays because it's a perfect mirror into what i'm living through: i have everything in the world at my fingertips, directions to Pattaya just a search away, endless videogames just a click away, all the world's anime and movies right there for me, but not one (1) single perso
ZejLnZ
No.131914
>>131911
person for me to talk to ;-;
>>131906
>>131907
>This is why I want to work in some sort of professional environment, assuming I manage to get a job in the future.
It's always the best. You get a lot of people complaining about food or having to have conversations but to forego those is a dangerous decision that could affect you for years.
>is a comforting thought.
it's the only reason i'm alive rn haha. Thanks for being here man, it's quite reassuring.
o8s1eN
No.131922
>>131914
>it's the only reason i'm alive rn haha. Thanks for being here man, it's quite reassuring.
My pleasure anon. In today's super connected world, everyone's lonely. We gotta support each other.
What do you do tho? Are you in some phoren country?
frnnc+
No.135002
>>131922
>What do you do tho? Are you in some phoren country?
I'm an engineer working in R&D for a firm based in Bangkok
frnnc+
No.135012
Welp, today (yesterday) was my birthday. Got the customary superficial attention from my parents the few days in a year they remember I exist. 7 mins videocall and they asked the same shit as usual: how was work, what's the weather, what did you have for lunch/dinner, then talked about stuff thats been coming up in the news recently. They then asked me if I was settling in there now, and that was it. End of call.
I just turned 24. Today, the 27th of September, 2024 marks the end of yet another cycle of 12 months I have endured in this room. In yet another precious year of my youth used up by time, I have progressed by exactly zero. Went from an antisocial loser hermit that peaked in high school to an antisocial loser hermit that peaked in high school.
Counting from the day I turned 23, I still haven't made any friends. Talked to exactly 4 new guys and 2 women since September 27, 2023, both women during a day where I had to go to work and buy groceries and hence they were forced to acknowledge my presence for conducting business. I hate the fact that I can't get myself to change, i'm trying very hard to gain weight but remain at 55. I try to get fit and collapse with pain all over by body when I do more than 5 push-ups. I try to make conversation with my colleagues at work but I cannot think of anything in the damn world to talk to them about despite knowing I mog everyone else in the entire branch in terms of my English and intelligence. I feel like ripping out chunks of my hair and screaming like a possessed man livid with pent-up anger at being ignored for years till this day because I am the definition of stagnant. WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK DO I DO? HOW CAN I CHANGE MYSELF INTO WHAT I WAS AS A CHILD? HOW DO I FIT IN WITH THE STUPID FUCKING NORMIES AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH IT'S KILLING ME THE SILENCE IN MY ROOM IS FUCKING SCARY AT NIGHT. I CAN'T GO ON LIVING LIKE THIS I NEED TO OPEN MY STALE FUCKING MOUTH AND CROAK SOMETHING TO SOMEONE IR
frnnc+
No.135013
>>135012
irl for god's fecking sake. i thought 2024 was finally gonna be the year things would change, bros...
2rc2OZ
No.135296
>>135012
Happy birthday, yaara. Hope you like this.
No.135356
>>135012
Happy belated B'day Yaraa
>>135296
sweet
>>135013
i have been privileged enough to have good friends but i feel if you go out, simple hobby, trekking, running etc. you will get to meet people and maybe some of them for longer time.
If you can't have that atleast change of air, place will keep you mentally healthy.
z5V8bc
No.135359
>>135012
happy birthday sir, although i am pretty late
IjZizp
No.135360
>>135012
>i'm trying very hard to gain weight but remain at 55. I try to get fit and collapse with pain all over by body when I do more than 5 push-ups
yaar (by the way I am a nigger)appa, push ups won't do anything if your diet is full of processed bullshit and minimal amount of meat
SrhMiQ
No.135593
>>135012
Happy belated bday
4hPUMW
No.136446
>>135296
>>135356
>>135359
>>135593
thank you sirs. you may not believe it but i'm actually quite emotional (in a good way) rn after seeing this
i ended up buying a cake that night, last 2 days have been kind to me! it's almost like a sign
>>135356
>simple hobby
i'm scared to death of what other people perceive me as, so i cannot afford to even make a single mistake irl or my brain goes into overdrive. i will try to go on stuff like nightwalks from now on, maybe meet others like me
>>135360
How can i better my diet then? i have a stove but i rarely ever use it, and buying groceries is a bit costly here so I would have to make stuff with less ingredients, more nutrition. I have access to a grocery store nearby with chicken and pork meat available but can't cook most indian food though due to lack of stuff like ghee, masala, etc
Rf0SkH
No.136669
>>136446
yaar just buy whatever meat is available and cook it like how thai people do. just dont overcook it. also try to get organs like liver and heart from a nearby butcher. eggs would be great too
2vdN3+
No.136678
>>136446
>actually quite emotional
we do care :) What flavour was the cake?
>hobby
If you walk or cycle, 0 people will care unless you do something especially retarded, even then they'll forget within a day. Don't worry, yaar. If you want stick to busy roads so you get drowned out by all of the noise and crowd.
Or you can look at some local Facebook hiker's group or cycling page and follow what they do
No.136693
>>136446
>thank you sirs. you may not believe it but i'm actually quite emotional (in a good way) rn after seeing this
hugs anon
take care of yourself, enjoy your life no matter how it is
>>136446
>i'm scared to death of what other people perceive me as, so i cannot afford to even make a single mistake irl or my brain goes into overdrive. i will try to go on stuff like nightwalks from now on, maybe meet others like me
starting anything is the most difficult, i remember when i went for walk for the first time - i was afraid of world, but i started doing it regularly.
few things help is that you maintain yourself well it boosts your confidence too
maybe try cycling if it is feasible, you can travel more distance and enjoy places...socially easier if you are more nervous.
xzjAmm
No.141135
>>136669
Yep, tried it tonight. Got 250g of chicken, washed it, fried it and cooked a packet of instant ramen noodles, then mixed it all. Added an omelette on top for good measure and ate it for lunch, shit was gooood. Although it was pretty expensive, I think I will try to eat meat 4 days a week from now on.
>liver and heart
I've eaten liver often before but i've never eaten heart, i mean there has to be a point where you draw the line. Just looking at pictures of hearts being sold as meat fouls my mood tbh
>>136678
It was a chocolate cheesecake!! I'd tried to go out of my way to find one after I finished writing >>135012 (feels quite cringe now that I look at it, but the relief i felt was definitely worth it)
About the walking thing, I do walk at night on the days it doesn't rain nowadays. It feels absolutely great seeing other people, I even subconsciously fixed my posture (i tend 2 bend a lot) after noticing a few stares initially
And yeah since I live in a primarily quiet residential suburb I have to walk pretty far to reach a semi-busy street, it's still worth it for the fresh air and all the wind outside though
>>136693
Yeah, the first 1-2 days were the hardest, I was panicking overthinking unnecessarily about even making a small mistake because I'm used to having my own impregnable space
>cycling
It's hard asf to cycle round Bangkok to the extent i've barely seen any cyclists here, i'd be better off driving around in a 2-wheeler desu
xzjAmm
No.141141
sumimasen for the late reply, work has been piling up like hell this week so i've been pulling all-nighters and only found the opportunity to crash today. i'll probably go to sleep now
YaMZaz
No.141150
>>136446
>calls himself high iq and others normies
>i am scared to death of what other people percieve me as
kekd
xzjAmm
No.141184