/gen/ - General

This is my journal, will try to update as often as possible.

>>182629(OP)

I'll touch upon various schizo and non-schizo topics. Firstly, I have a cannibalism and human cattle fetish, and have fantasized about chopping up women. I don't know where this stems from or what caused it. It isn't caused by porn, I have had this sort of fetish for a long time. I also don't want to do this shit irl, and don't like the fact that I am like this. No idea where it stems from. Even when I was in third grade, I fantasised about kidnapping my hot teacher and farming her for her milk, I didn't even know what sex was at that age. However, I fit in very, and got good grades, untill a year or two back. I have been porn addicted, from a very long time, and I haven't had a wet dream. This will hopefully be a nofap journal to. Maybe I will lose this fetish if I stop fapping. Additionally I had a paranormal experience a while back. That's it for today.

>>182633

I'll try to update once a day, today is nofap day 0, I fapped an hour back, to a doujin of a girl being chopped up into pieces, in an industrial meat plant.

that's not called being a schizo bruh that's a damn sociopath right there

>>182629(OP)

The reason, I'm using this is site as my journal, is that it has a better chance of being found by another wanderer, than If I just write it for myself, in a personal diary. Dear reader, I hope this will either guide you on the right path, or keep you astray of the wrong. Or it may just entertain you, I don't care.

>>182646

Additionally, I am going to try to not directly respond to any comments here, so that it has the sort of diary format.

On Sociopathy.

I don't experience emotions like the average person. However, it's not that I don't have emotions, It's just that my emotions are heavily suppressed, due to bullying I faced in my early childhood, among other reasons. I'm taking shots in the dark here, the cause doesn't matter. Perhaps I was always like this, as a baby, I was fairly quite, and wouldn't laugh easily. This is the definition, of sociopathy, however, I don't try to get into trouble or put myself into situations where I could lose my temper and hurt someone. Additionally, I am good with animals, and have a good sense of humor. The reason I called this thread "Ramblings of a Schizo" is because, I have started to experience paranormal things, a while back. I grew up a hardcore athiest, I stopped believing in god, when I was 11. Additionally, I was a hardcore materialist, and despised all religions and paranormal shit. More tommorow.

I'll also talk about my studies and shit here, why the fuck not.

>>182650

I will however, Indirectly respond to your comments. Engagement is appreciated.

>>182629(OP)

Day one of nofap.

Haven't experienced anything yet (as expected). I want to say that I am not a bad person, morally. Infact, I would say that I am a good person with a fucked up fetish. Infact, I am probably the least misogynistic person here, and have had female friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv8YCZ5Wz9M?si=SZoV9DbgWtnV9Xib[embed]

https://youtube.com/shorts/prtApmfRh4o?si=H5vq6lCGV2-AOXjg

you should watch old videos of sv3rige and his views on morality

>>182939

https://rumble.com/user/Sv3rige/videos

>>182629(OP)

Are you the circumcised PCB retard? Stop trying to be edgy.

>>182963

I'm not being edgy, I'm simply stating my situation and attempting to cure it with nofap.

>>182939

Seems like a whackjob. QRD on him?

Additionally, I aim to reduce my device usage to 1hr per day. I'll use it from 5-6 today and then stop. I'll update the results.

>>182987

this guy unironically changed the way I see the world. sure he's off the deep end but some of the things he says are just so insightful. especially his preaching of mindset of total 'non-rejection'. In that we should embrace creation - all of it. The violence the killing the blood and guts but also the good and love, procreation, relationships etc.

he is an antivegan and I think that's where his antivegan mindset comes from. in that veganism/antinatlaism is just a pure rejection of our humanity. just a total rejection of our animal, violent, bloodlusty nature. and here's some swedish guy stabbing his classmates just saying no fuck that, kill animals, drink their blood, fuck hot women, embrace life, don't work, be sociopathic, be based.

it's very refreshing. also I think it's just exactly what internet was made for. I follow so many people like this. just ordinary people with a camera willing to come on in front of a world of strangers and just say exactly what they think, share their private thoughts to the world, put their opinions out there, make kino for others to watch, just be totally vulnerable and open

it's very based

>>183004

Interesting, I somewhat feel the same way about embracing, our true inner self, and the good and bad of the world, and revel in it. What video of his should I start with, I'm not interested in his vegan-bashing, and thats the most prominent content. Additionally, I had a sort of paranormal experience a while back, and was made aware of the RA material. Basically, what it says is that there are various densities of consciousness, and at the 3rd stage, or our stage, we pick a path, STS or STO, service to self or service to others. Both paths are equally valid choices, for each individual and neither good or bad. STS is more entropic, food chain/ animalistic-esque. Have you heard this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jynTNYSKNuk[embed]

>>182629(OP)

2 minutes left. I'm also gonna post my dreams here. I usually don't have dreams and haven't had a wet dream due to masturbation. That's it for today.

>>183008

>What video of his should I start with

you can start with this one

https://rumble.com/v430jsn-psychopathy-from-natures-perspective.html

>>182629(OP)

Paragraphs after paragraphs. Should I read these ramblings or nah?

>>183084

Your choice.

I am going to spend 2 hours a day of internet, instead of 1 hour, as I said earlier. Not achievable rn. Atleast, I didn't fap yesterday, it's day 2 of nofap.

>>183479

Listening to russian music rn. I had fantasies about dismembering a woman and puttting her in my fridge. Maybe, the cannibalism fetish stems from a lack of control. The consumption of a mate is symbolic of you controlling them and their essence. I wonder if cannibal tribes would laugh at us, like how we laugh at vegans. Maybe, dreams would tell me why I am like this. Dreams are messages from the deep after all. I should continue nofap. I'll also post updates on my studies and shit here. I had some dream yesterday, but I can't seem to remember.

>>183493

What's wierd is, I have a good sense of empathy, and can know what others are feeling. Which makes it even more fucked that I have this fetish. Despite being capable of putting myself in the place of the victim in the fantasy, I still seem to feel horny, infact, the fear of the victim makes it hotter. Similar to how cats and dolphins torture their prey.

>>183497

Infact, dolphins are one of the only animals which hunt for pleasure. They simply enjoy basking in the suffering of those lower on the food chain. The strong must take from the weak. These are the rules of nature.

>>183479

I am feeling a bit less fucked up rn, due to nofap. Hopefully it shall cure me. Then I will cease the rambling. Untill then, I will write here, to understand what caused this fetish, and what it means.

Sleeping now. Its 2:50PM, but I feel sleepy. I wonder if I'll dream.

Woke up now, studying human reproduction. 11 pages. Should be done in 30 mins.

Edged for an hour today to some hentai of a girl being beheaded, and cooked. Didn't cum however. Someone please motivate me to not fap.

Ddin't cum, day 3 of nofap. Slept at 4 AM, I was edging for multiple hours yesterday.

>>184105

What is edging?

>>184399

Basically fapping, but you don’t cum. Failed anyway, came a bit back, back to day 0. I don’t think it makes sense to go cold turkey on mastrubation, since I have been doing it for so long. Instead, I will do a 4 day streak, and then a 5 day streak and so on, until I lose the urge.

>>184399

Surprised you didn’t know what it is lol. It’s a quintessential zoomed brainrot term.

>>184565

Zoomer

>>184565

I am not a muthal. Also, you should quit cold turkey if you ever hope to recover.

>>184779

Progressive deloading is useful for helping cigarette users quite, I don’t see how that’s neurologically any different from a porn addiction.

>>184784

Quit

>>183004

>especially his preaching of mindset of total 'non-rejection'. In that we should embrace creation - all of it. The violence the killing the blood and guts but also the good and love, procreation, relationships etc.

in a very weird way i came to the same realisation after engaging in works of krishnamurti and osho

>>183008

>Additionally, I had a sort of paranormal experience a while back, and was made aware of the RA material. Basically, what it says is that there are various densities of consciousness, and at the 3rd stage, or our stage, we pick a path, STS or STO, service to self or service to others. Both paths are equally valid choices, for each individual and neither good or bad. STS is more entropic, food chain/ animalistic-esque. Have you heard this song:

describe it anon

>>184828

Check this out: https://www.lawofone.info/synopsis.php

Also, from https://www.reddit.com/r/aliens/comments/14rp7w9/from_the_late_2000s_to_the_mid2010s_i_worked_as_a/:

Question 3: I havent read everything in detail but can you expend on the document on their religion?

EBOs believe that the soul is not an extension of the individual, but rather a fundamental characteristic of nature that expresses itself as a field, not unlike gravity. In the presence of life, this field acquires complexity, resulting in negative entropy if that makes sense. This gain in complexity is directly correlated with the concentration of living organisms in a given location. With time, and with the right conditions, life in turn becomes more complex until the appearance of sentient life. After reaching this threshold, the field begins to express itself through these sentient beings, forming what we call the soul. Through their life experiences, sentient beings will in turn influence the field in a sort of positive feedback loop. This in turn further accelerates the complexity of the field. Eventually, when the field reaches a "critical mass", there will be a sort of apotheosis. It's not clear what this means in practical terms, but this quest for apotheosis seems to be the EBOs main motivation.

The author of the document added his reflections and interpretations as an appendix. He specified that, for them, the soul field is not a belief but an obvious truth. He also argues that the soul loses its individuality after death, but that memory and experience persist as part of the field. This fact would influence the philosophy and culture of EBOs, resulting in a society that doesn't fear death but which places no importance or reverence on individuality. This "belief" compels them to seed life, shape it, nurture it, monitor it and influence it for the ultimate purpose of creating this apotheosis. Paradoxically, they have little or no respect for an individual's well-being.

>>184828

Basically an astral projection experience, I saw a bunch of red wierd looking humanoid faces, haven't been able to project again. This led me to search up a lot of stuff related to the paranormal.

>>184832

What happened was I basically tried to let my physical body fall asleep while being mentally conscious. I started to feel intense vibrations and twitching. I then started to see swirling red like colours, out of which 3 humanoid faces appeared, their eyes and mouths were pitch black void, and the rest of the face kept changing subtly. A screen of minecraft was also playing alongside. The twitching got too strong so I had to stop it.

>>185257

You were merely sleep-deprived. I get hallucinations like that after pulling consecutive all-nighters.

>>185278

No, I wasn't. I have experienced sleep deprivation hallucinations and they are completely different from this. There was a sort of vibrating sensation in the head.

>>185279

Dhang ka sleep schedule bana bacche.

>>185587

My sleep schedule is naturally fucked. However I was sure that I wasn’t hallucinating, I have experienced insomnia related visions also and they were completely different. I’m completely sure of this. Have you heard of the Gateway Tapes?

>>185725

>gateway tapes

Yup, on a lucid dreaming forum.

I could lucid dream ever since I was a kid. I mostly imagined myself floating in the sky as a balak.

>>185728

>naturally fucked

No such thing.

Sleep by 11:30 today and set alarm for 6:30. Rinse and repeat.

Playing with chatgpt rn, asking it to tell me how to butcher humans and cannibal shit. I'll start studying chemistry.