/b/ - Random

I failed the coast guard physical fitness test.

After the aptitude test, they removed the dudes that didn't pass and then put all of us into a bus. Then took up to a barren ground. It was about 12:00 a.m., scorching heat. We were supposed to run 5 laps in 7 minutes.

I didn't take any L-theanine, R-autistine, creatine, or any of that. Just 2 cups of coffee before I left for the centre.

By the end of the 2nd lap, my lungs and core gave out, and I started getting very dizzy. As I was approaching the middle of the 3rd lap, I looked behind and realised I was the last one. My mind said, "you're not gonna make it, it's pointless" and I dropped out of the race.

I waited till they finished their run, and then they push-ups and the squats. We went back to the centre in the bus, I attested my adhar card Xerox, gave them the application form, admit card and the Xerox, and left.

Then I called my dad to pick me up. Everyone left, only I was sitting in a shade, a few hundred metres away from the gate.

Then I looked at myself. How far I'd fallen. I used to be one of the smart ones. The capable ones. Now I'm sitting all alone, after having failed the entrance to an entry level government exam.

I didn't feel sad, hurt, angry or regretful. I didn't feel anything. I just knew, that I'm in a ditch and I need to pull myself out.

But the real clicker came when my dad came to pick me up. He was really excited about the results, he's a huge gobermint simp. But I already told him I didn't make it. He was disappointed, for the thousandth time. And each time it would hurt just as much, just not this time. I didn't even care.

When I got home, my mom started berating me. About everything, about how my sister doesn't talk to her anymore, about how I wasted a year, about how dad's gonna have to retire in 5 years, all that stuff. And then she started crying. Not for me, and certainly not because she realised she said too much.

That's when it hurt. In the morning, they were all like

>Don't worry about failure

>Don't take stress

>You still got more attempts left

It was a very nice bait and switch. It hurt. I held my tears in, but it hurt.

My dad is probably gonna enroll me into a tier-500 shitty engineering College, or any college with any degree. Idek. I don't know what to think or do. I just feel like shit.

>>137580(OP)

I'm probably not going to be active in this thread. I'll keep the phone away to not piss them off anymore. But I just wanted to get this off my chest rn.

Feels like nothing matters. That I'm gonna fail again no matter what. That it's only worse for me here on out. I want to work harder, but all the signs are pointing towards failure.

>>137590

>Isn't that good too?

While everyone in my rishtedaari went to some IIT/NIT ? No, not really.

>But ananas it doesn't matter, just focus on your life

Tell that to my mom.

>>137619

It sure feels like it's going to.

>>137664

I'm 18. And I'm getting tired of the grind. No matter how many times I grind, I get the same result.

>>137683

Long family drama, don't wanna get into it rn.

>>137590

>I also had lots of shitty office boy work to do

You used to be an office boy and then you magically catapulted to the top 5% of earners ?

Also, I remember you saying that your job is very niche, the number of people in India that have your job is in double digits. Isn't that basically saying you got really lucky ?

My own failure doesn't even hurt that much. It's the fact that other people put their faith in me, and I let them down. That's kind of the reason why I really like the line that Tyler said in fight club: "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

If I somehow ended up unemployed, I would still find a way to make it to the top. God gave me enough IQ and my parents gave me enough internet to learn shit about the world. But the weight of having previously disappointed other people makes it harder to get up every time.

I can't even look at cute chicks or wish for good food anymore. I feel unworthy. I can't even look God in the eyes. I feel like I disappointed him as well. Even the butterflies are dancing just to mock me.

>>137794

>Probably higher now because everybody is learning Japanese these days

So what you're some kind of Japanese college professor ?

I finally pushed through all the shame and ate a mango.

You know, it's not actually that bad. I cleared the written, and the aptitude. I was just a little fat. It's not like I don't got what it takes, I just don't got the stamina that it takes.

Or atleast, that's what I plan to tell myself to cope.

My guilty pleasure is dreaming. Dreaming of a happy life, a loving wife and kids, a small house in a hilly area, preferably in the outskirts, away from all the noise. Also, a basement with a full sim dogfight rig. I feel so guilty dreaming of this. I feel like I'm not supposed to.

>>137879

>You're retarded to think that I'll tell my job title or details here and get myself doxxed

I never expected you to. What kind of idiot do you think I am ? I was just guessing.

>>137884

God never did care about us. We aren't special. He ain't gonna spoonfeed us our wishes from a silver bowl.

Or as he said:

"God doesn't care about us, he never wanted us. In all probability, he hates us."