/adv/ - Advice

purpose of life

rofr

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yaaro i am in clg n shii was very passionate about this degree and course but with time my whole lifestyle and personality has become this so niche that i dont even go to cinema or parks like my so called collegues. liked a girl she has a boyfriend previous heartbreak comes in sec when think of confessing. parents are getting old. only son dad took debt for my studies. whole family has diabetes in blood. got diabetic when was 17 could eat my favourite sweets. so addicted to chewing gums ate around 3 packs of 19.8g orbit in 2 weeks. people only call when in need nvr got asked how i feel. once a girl asked - TU THEEK HAI ? usi ke liye awkward ho gya. academically gifted bachpan se winning there but i lost friends, a social life, i feel like i missed a lot and now when i see people with putting hands on other shoulders holdinng hands head on their shoulders i feel sad. mai waha jeeta jaha sab haare aur waha haara jaha sab jeet gye.

rofr

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>>1722 bachpan se aajtak all i ever got is bet athoda aur padhle thoda aur wins thodi aur hustle all this built me in a way that all i care about is grades and grind. severe anxiety, introvert chutiyap, studder instances and extremmely apologetic kuch ajeeb ban gya hu chnaged cities every 2 year to bchpan dost type shii nhi hui. abhi janamdin aane wala hai but college peeps fucking gaved me homo ki how many people fucking wish them. (by the way I am a nigger) i doubt even 4 people will wish me. i tried starting convos with strangers irl and was good in it but when its with the people like peers and shiit i fumble or dont try reason being i ve created a different persona about me in their head, and now i am too worried to change it. i am trying to find purpose aaj bhi 1.5 hour stared that moon (by the way I am a nigger) with vultures 2 on blast but i could feel something like that inner ignte that i am not crazy i am okay i am just a regular human being

rofr

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>>1722 >>1723 ek jindagi guzar di hai maine ek ajeeb but gifted child ban ke ab jab adulthood mai aa bhi gya hu people call me weird just because i dont have those hobbies or interests that masses have due to influence or impact media and culture had on them. becuase i was so far from this shit becuase couldnt afford and my friends were never such close. i never had a bestfriend had a girlfriend 6 year back and then singlet n shiii yaaro

rofr

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>>1722 >>1723 >>1725 i want to live normally i want to feel like a hooman yaaroo, went to therapist too but could keep with those fees as i cant ask gharwaale for money and teaching kids didnt paid well left that too. i was so good that the 2 students i taught topped their classes. i've built something like a shell which is too fucking heavy i made this shell to protect peace but now this became a burden and when people see me they pity me because they think that i desperate, narcissitic and only talks about himself and shii but in reality i am trying to get help so that once i break this shell with a hand help from others or just a support so that i throw this away but they run away they leave me they ghost me and when they need help they come to me.. i wanted help i wanted people who understood me and help me reduce this weight of shell but all they gaved me is more responsibiltiy and work due to which i stopped talking to them because it starts to feel like that only thing that was incresing was burden and sadness

rofr

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>>1726 people think my life is also normal but its not i've to live like a hooman who knows that there is only one breadearner in family and his health is deterioating and after him i am the only fucking hope of my family. all my chcha masa mama kids settled for mediocrity didnt contributed shiit in wealth or growth in any way to family. i've always wanted to take my family to a new levels new places win witht hem but feels like i took the wwrong personality i am trying to understand if i can reschedule my life becuase i wanted to end my self too times and both times i failed.

rofr

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>>1727 aaj bhi mai dukh se guzar rha hu meri apni jaati ke log mere nhi hue wo chod mere apne sagge mere apne nhi hue

rofr

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>>1722 whatever i will keep on going and will try my b est to get a stabilized income source so i can atleast buy a 2 wheeler next year.