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In Search of Lost Time
i6xw1e
No.2148
trying to get over wasted time and make sense of stuff while resisting the urge to quit.
I haven't read titlerel.
If you ever stumble upon this thread, Midori, assuming this stays up till then, please forgive me.
TOaJ0k
No.2149
>>2148(OP)
what do you want to do? What are you trying to achieve?
i6xw1e
No.2151
$todoWhenBored = @(
"code"
"do some math"
"study math you have been avoiding"
"read about ai"
"review subject flashcards in anki"
"go outside"
"write a journal entry"
"watch a goddamn movie"
"read non-fiction"
"do push-ups"
)
Write-Output "If you are bored, you can..."
for ($i = 0; $i -lt $todoWhenBored.Count; $i++) {
Write-Output "$($i + 1). $($todoWhenBored[$i])"
}
i6xw1e
No.2152
>>2149
this thread is my nth attempt at trying to explore that.
i6xw1e
No.2154
went to the balcony of my pg to feel some chilly night winds. It had been quite some time since I had seen any twinkling dots in the sky. Whenever I see one, I get an intense desire drown in some cosmic fluid that'd connect me with the world and dissolve my mind into nothingness.
I want to someday experience watching the night sky with a cutiejeeta yaar. Would be preferable if were at some cool or chilly place. nothing better than cold wind at night.
i6xw1e
No.2162
a tool to make diagrams using text
9CWK7o
No.2165
Fixing time blindness is most important in present times.
i6xw1e
No.2167
I am actually afraid of living, and experiencing things. This fear seeps into all aspects of my life, be it entertainment or academics. I fear learning, and I fear enjoying. And what I think I enjoy I never do, I only just don't care about that thing enough to actually indulge in it.
So, this time I am just playing minecraft and actually playing it. building ugly buildings, ugly bridges, unplanned caves etc. To think that I never even used a diamond pickaxe and broke it while mining is embarrassing. This time, I'll play to my hearts content, and won't watch any building tutorials or anything.
9CWK7o
No.2168
>>2167
My advice is that you should stop cooming and vidya now today. You'll start getting sense in your life and your existence. I have never played any game like GTA5 or any other slop still my boring life makes sense. I also stopped cooming after complete annihilation of my health and life.
i6xw1e
No.2169
>>2168
I get that you are trying to help me fren-anon but I have tried to go cold turkey multiple times but have always fell back harder. This time I just want to do the things I was afraid of doing in the past, however silly they maybe. One of those silly things is not being able to play a non-competitive game likely minecraft without being absolutely paralyzed by a desire for perfection. Perfectly planned houses, perfectly looking roads, sorted chests, decorated foliage, etc etc. I never played the game itself despite trying multiple times. This time, I just want to let go of my ego and play like an average uncreative player and see where I get.
Cooming I haven't done for like two days. Not visiting /b/ has helped.
i6xw1e
No.2170
>>2165
trve yaar. almost half of this year too is over and I am nowhere near improving. In many ways I have descended in many areas of life.
Every day passes by in an instant. Hours go by like minutes and by the time I realize I have woken up, it's already time to sleep.
How do you deal with this, frenanon?
9CWK7o
No.2171
>>2169
I see Minecraft or games like City building as trash. Like these types of games are for infinity. You can do anything and game never ends. This is pure foolishness for a average gamer. For quitting part? I'll say you should go cold turkey again. Don't give it name or counting days. Just make this default mode for life. Perfection in some pixel game will redeem you. Trying again and again for getting normal life is the only solution. Playing games or cooming will gets you no where.
i6xw1e
No.2172
>>2171
I see you point. Will think about it. I just don't want to give up again and again man. Giving up just when I get a little bit of clarity is the worst. Almost as if I do not want to improve.
9CWK7o
No.2173
>>2170
I have watched some videos of therapist Dr. K on this topic. This blindness issue is a offspring of ADHDslop. Nowadays everyone has ADHD even my parents are also facing the problem of timeblind. Read first and only research paper on time blindness due to techslop like phones and computers. One and only advice is to stop using everything even this Bhach. Use your pixels screens after 6 PM and you'll start noticing the change. You'll have life like before 2019. Cut down all the extra digital presence you have of no use. If you don't believe just try it once tomorrow. Don't sit infront of screen or listen music for whole day and you'll notice shockwaves in your mind and frustration of addiction. I have also bought a table clock and a telephone which helps me too avoid all this slop. Literally life before 2010s is epic.
9CWK7o
No.2175
>>2172
You are still doing thinking or I'll give a muh chance thing to take action. Just do it anon. Just don't quit if you're tried of doing again and again. Remember the point where you quit you had dreamed earlier for reaching this point. I know your willpower and self trust is damaged beyond repair but trying again and again is only way. Otherwise you'll make this thread again next year and complain how year is moving so fast and it's already June 2026, kek! I'm actively working on fixing maximum problems of my life before December. Writing down what I have done every hour is jackpot habit for me.
i6xw1e
No.2185
>>2175
>>2175
>Writing down what I have done every hour is jackpot habit for me.
I have heard 3 people say this till now and I am starting to believe this really works.
>I know your willpower and self trust is damaged beyond repair but trying again and again is only way.
you get it anon. I stopped improving the moment I started class XI. Self-sabotage got so bad I didn't even study for exams to get the high feeling of self-hatred when I couldn't solve even basic problems. Problems escalated and now I have become clinically retarded both in speech and thought. Maybe clinically is bit of an exaggeration but I don't know how long it'd be till it becomes my reality. Studying CS at the moment and I still don't understand very basic concepts and trying to write code feels paralyzing, literally. Brain shutting down, thoughts stopping, hands shaking mind racing everything happens at once at the thought of actually sitting down and trying to figure out a problem and learn while doing it.
I fear this problem will haunt me for life as its effects have been detrimental till now. Even in uni I have to force myself to not self-sabotage in the exams by not attempting questions thinking it's all useless.
It's beyond pathetic to be addicted to self-hatred.
9CWK7o
No.2190
>>2185
For me it's 6th class. Life is not same for me academics from then. You don't study for exams because of self hatred whereas I don't used to study for exams due to my ideology of cramming and arrogance of muh high IQ but in reality I failed in one exam literally five times. And you know the best part? The problem of cramming of four years solved in just one week after I told my chatGPT to bully me after explaining my problem to him. Now I'm studying hard for my July exam. My whole life and engineering journey is dependent on this. Got motivation for study and not using laptop for gaming or cooming after my laptop got scratches and broken spare parts. Currently life is like on insurance. If one more mistake happened I'll fail hard like Yui anon.
9CWK7o
No.2192
I'm feeling right now why the helloid I'm advising you? I should see in my life. I hope I get something to live for in this birth. God is faggot. Doesn't even help me or improve my intelligence. Last advice is too leave from this place for (you).
i6xw1e
No.2193
>>2190
>made ChudGPT bully himself.
holy shit good idea.
I hope you perform well on that july exam frenon. I used to use my laptop less when I had arch installed and it was hard even to change volume (i hadn't installed any of those utility scripts and am too retarded to make one myself, was using awesomewm btw) but now for one reason I absolutely have to have windows installed.
I will try the gpt thing anon. Good night
i6xw1e
No.2194
>>2192
there are only two reasons I am still here. if one of those reasons gets fixed this june, I'll leave forever. I can because I had left for 3 months without any issues.
9CWK7o
No.2195
>>2193
What faggotery is all this? Just use windows in minimal interface. Explain chatGPT all your problems and tell him to instruct you daily for problems.
9CWK7o
No.2196
>>2194
Alright cool! Have a nice life.
