/gen/ - General

i realised that free will is a myth. this is already a very popular statement, but i took some time to properly retrospect and try to relate my life decisions, opinions and all my actions to this. turns out, it really is a myth.

when i was a kid, the world (my country's government, the 'clearweb', etc.) had more "liberal" views (i put it in double quotes because its not really considered literally liberal), like pro integration, pro LGBT, anti hate-speech, regulations, etc.

as i became a young teen, i felt i wanted to be different and feel special about myself. so i got into the anti, "conservative" pipeline - thinking we should allow slurs and all types of speech online, that LGBT etc are all just psyops and is disease to make us dumber.

and eventually as i grew up, ideas around me changed and the world became a much more conservative place (by world, i mean my country, and also countries around the world including the US). my "dream" was accomplished and forums like instagram/twitter essentially became 4chan.

so my "opposing" views became the new normal. i felt myself distanced from this because, who wants to be common? so i started exploring the other/opposite opinions again. and i increasingly changed my views, and lo and behold, im the exact opposite politically than i was a few years ago.

not just politics. even my decision to delve more into low leve and electronics was mainly because it was less hyped than web dev and other types of programming. today, if web dev had been a niche and less popular, i would be a full on web developer right now. to feel special i often call web devs as "soy devs". but programming everywhere is programming - plugging in numbers and getting outputs in particular way.

so being a contrarian - i think this is how most humans function. if we are exposed to a certain type of media and surroundings, we will be influenced and adopt that.

even something as trivial as littering - india is dirty. i see people openly littering around me. i dont litter, ever. why? because it makes me different. today if i were born in japan, i would probably litter and feel cool about myself, showing the finger to society.

damn. it makes so much sense now. all our thoughts are just conforming to norm, or trying to be different. atleast mine are. all to just satisfy myself that yes my life means something, and i am not just a machine of flesh that is hardwired to want sex and reproduce - which also was probably influenced and this thought is an output of being raised by romance in every media.

Why don't you introspect on your felling of being special or different. Where are they really stemming from ? and instead of standing in opposition to the "normal" why don't you accept or reject things based on what is it that your soul really desires rather than using the society as a benchmark to validate your views.

>>3187(OP)

>>3194

thats the thing, i dont actually know whats wrong or good. i get easily influenced into thinking wrong as right and right as wrong. god's selfaware NPC

You just have to realize that for some people, the brains are just built different. Free will exists, just not so much in each case.

Free will is severely impaired for me, and it is something I struggle to come to terms with, but it's getting slowly easier to accept every day. I don't know about you or what your life is like, but it's going to take a while for you to find out.

>pro LGBT

Excuse me?

Since when?

>i wanted to be different and feel special about myself

You may be a narcissist.

>>3197

>pro LGBT

i went to a privileged private urban school and it was extremely liberal. while it didnt openly have anything specifically pro-lgbt events, students and teachers were.

like any city in india my surroundings are littered and shat on, so i used to stay at home all day and my entire life was the internet. didnt know about anything else other than normie forums and basic internet culture, and all of that media was openly "leftist"

now after school and college i am exposed to the real shithole - casteist, retarded, obese littering public.

> narcissist

ouch, maybe that's true, actually this is something i suffered with a lot. i was into computing and programming ever since i was a kid and thus i was considered "prodigy" at school. but i just became a normal avg intellgence dude when others got into the CSE craze.

although i wouldnt say it was very difficult to adapt. it was difficult yes, but after joining work and seeing getting out-brained by some juniors, i am very comfortable in that aspect now.

note: wanting to be special != dont feel i am special. the fact that i dont consider myself too important is the reason why i keep mediating, all in the pursuit of having some meaning

===

i think the only word to describe all this is "edgy". i just like to be edgy, it seems.

>>3198

>edgy

No, it's just having low self-esteem that you have to seek dopamine (and validation) by forcing yourself to stand out because negative attention is still attention and attention is rewarding. That's pretty much the gimmick of imageboard trannies like me Tamil Lund, NEET Lodu, Dyaush, MGTOW Shudra and so on. Maybe start finding ways you can maintain a self-sustaining source of attention and try to build your own universe in your head where you will be the king.