/b/ - Random

I don’t know what’s going on with me today. Since morning, I’ve had this heavy, weird feeling like I’m missing out on life or something important(Nothing new, it's as usual, but today it's intense), but I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is.

It’s a mix of anxiety, sadness, fear… everything mashed together. I can’t sit still, I feel restless, but I also don’t want to do anything. I have a small headache and this huge weight on my chest. I want to cry, but the tears just won’t come out.

Honestly, it’s scaring me a bit. It reminds me of the suicidal episodes I had back in 2022. I don’t think I’m back there, but it feels dangerously close. I really hope it’s not that again.

The thing is, I do want to live. I want to feel alive, to experience love, joy, purpose… everything. But something inside me just keeps stopping me. It’s like I’m surrounded by this fog of insecurity, fear, hopelessness. I feel so low, I end up agreeing to anything and everything, just to avoid more conflict or rejection.

And then yesterday, I came across this line “People who’ve never been loved tend to shower love on others the most.”

that hit so hard. I felt seen in the worst way.

Maybe that’s why I give so much even when there’s barely anything left in me.

What hurts more is… even my imagination doesn’t help anymore.

There used to be this imaginary girlfriend in my head I could talk to. She felt safe.

Now even she feels gone. I can’t even pretend someone’s listening.

That silence makes it worse.

It’s kinda pathetic, right? That I have to pour my heart out to anonymous strangers on the internet because I don’t have anyone real to talk to.

I just wish… someone was out there. Someone who gets it. Someone who’d sit with me in this mess and not try to fix me. Just stay.

Friends are marrying, everyone seems to be moving on to the next phase, while I am still here, struggling to turn 20 (I'm 29 btw), it feels like I haven't graduated my college yet. It feels like I am still a kid, the way the world treats me makes me feel unimportant, that's why I just stay silent in social settings.

I am losing that hope in me slowly. My heart sinks looking at the world moving on. I am like that little diseased buffalo or elephant you see in wildlife, getting left behind while everyone moves on.

My body is dying. I am mentally so fucked that physically diseases are manifesting. I don't know what it is, but I get pains in my chest and wrist, back, and head. I have GERD(probably), and it's getting worse. I haven't told this to my parents. I don't want to be a bojh on them anymore

>>150813(OP)

Tldr?

>>150815

>>150816

thanks

>>150813(OP)

lower caste lack inspiration

>>150816

I have got a better prompt

use this "explain this in short using zoomer language like fr bussin etc brainrot terms"

bro i’m not even gonna cap, my mental's been in shambles lately. like fr, today hit diff.

it’s like depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, abandonment issues—all queued up like a spotify playlist from hell. can’t sit still, can’t cry, can’t vibe. just chest pain and brainrot.

i be wanting to live and feel things—love, joy, whatever—but my brain’s like “nah lol, stay sad and overthink everything.” i give out love like a mf vending machine with no coins left, just empty.

even the imaginary comfort NPC in my head dipped 💀 like girl come back i need you rn.

friends out here leveling up, getting married n shit, and i’m just stuck on tutorial mode at 29. world treats me like i’m invisible so i stay on mute.

body’s glitching too. GERD, headaches, wrist and chest pain. somatic sadness fr.

can’t even tell my fam, don’t wanna be “that” burden. i’m tired, bro.

i just want someone to sit in the mess with me. not fix me. just chill here while i’m crumbling.

>>150813(OP)

Are you a NEET?