/gen/ - General

This is a thread about moments where your idealism got destroyed and all you had left to do is seethe at the bitter reality that is waiting for you.

I'll also textwall about my job in here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV6d16yukFY[embed]

>>3107(OP)

When I wasn't offered PPO from my internship.

My life has been in downfall since.

>>3107(OP)

Question for you, do you still have transgender/autogynephiliac thoughts, or have they stopped since you got a job?

I was very gullible in college and a randijeeta used me as an emotional toy after giving me mixed signals

I have sprained my foot and I am bedridden for a few days. I'm on a huge dose of calcium pills and painkillers right now.

I have asked for personal leave today and I don't know how they're going to manage some duties that are given to me today. My boss is a fucking idiot loser who doesn't care about anyone else except himself so I'm interested to see what's going to happen and how he's going to torture me with phone calls or blame me for the problems he has created.

How I sprained my leg?

I was looking at my stupid goyphone while I was walking downstairs and I twisted my leg. I'm fucking stupid.

>>3109

You couldn't get a single job since then?

PPO is a scam. More like POO. POO is just there to trick you into thinking that there's a reward at the end so you'll wagie ragie hard when you are an internet, and after that there's only sorry we will contact you later.

>>3118

>have they stopped since you got a job?

No, this feeling of being a woman in a man's body won't ever go stop.

>>3426

You will always be our NEET yaar just post in /NEET/ thread

>>3432

If my life goes like this I'll be a NEET again in 10 months for sure.

>>3426

(by the way I am a nigger) i got my present full time job only through PPO offer

>>3676

fuck word filters

>>3676

u/dayush let us speak negroid without the filter

>>3426

Interesting. I think AGP is a result of modern gynocracy. Men see how women are loved and respected by everyone, living on tutorial mode, and subconsciously begin desiring for the same kind of affection.

>>3706

No, the niggеr word filter is great actually.

>>3768

>the niggеr word filter is great actually.

ooooh

>>3775

>The Unicode value 1077 corresponds to the Cyrillic character "е" (lowercase "e") in the Unicode standard. It is commonly used in various Slavic languages, including Russian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, and others.

>>3768

I think it's just my values and personality not being compatible by what the men around me define as "being a man". I am unable to watch and relate to any kind of shounenshit or testosterone movies like Fast and Furious.

Also there's biological elements to it that I don't think much about.

>Men see how women are loved and respected by everyone, living on tutorial mode, and subconsciously begin desiring for the same kind of affection.

This is bullshit and I know that women mostly are treated like shit and men treat them nicely only because they want to fuck them.

>>3789

>what the men around me define as "being a man"

Same yaar. Personally I think it was because of excessive female influence during early childhood. I was always surrounded by women, female relatives, nannies, the few friends I had during early childhood (0-5) were also girls. So I always had issue with traditional masculinity because all just feels like fake posturing. Sports, swearing, WWE, I hated all that. Whenever other boys used to wrestle and pretend fight with each other it made me uncomfortable. But I still think that the societal perception of masculinity is what is wrong, not my behaviour.

>This is bullshit

Your second statement contradicts your first. It may be true that some men treat women nicely only because they want sex, but there's also a general bias in favour of women in everyday life. If at work a woman does something wrong she is usually let off way more lightly than a guy. The 'girls are sweet boys are mean' stereotype is completely ingrained in our society.

I feel like shit and I'm going to work with a broken leg. I really hope I don't get any sympathies because I twisted my ankle by being stupid. I hate this.

>>3793

>I still think that the societal perception of masculinity is what is wrong

Yes but that only partially explains why I struggle with "masculinity". It still doesn't explain why my discomfort goes to even on physical levels like discomfort from having a dick between my legs, not having hips, etc.

>If at work a woman does something wrong she is usually let off way more lightly than a guy.

I don't know why and how but I have noticed that all these moid simps who speak as if they're the savior of women tend to be seriously misogynistic, like they hate women who talk back, women bosses, they also make shitty jokes about women during important meetings etc. I'm just saying it's fake and they're doing it to make themselves look good and not really because they care about women.

I like swearing only if it's used in a funny way and I used to love WWE btw. I don't watch it anymore but that's because I think it's made for kids now. I like to see men getting beaten up.

People shouting and fighting in real life makes me scared and want to run away from the room.

>>3929

so is this the reason you post with images of tollywood whores? they represent your inner feminine nature. I use to think you started it because you liked to coom on Rakul and then it became your thing so you continued

>>3929

You're not doing any activities that increase testosterone, adrenaline etc. Borrow a bike or car and race down an empty highway.

Do workout, get your blood flowing. Control your speech. Watch adventure films. Stop consooming reels.

Masculine activities promote masculine thoughts.

You might feel alien in your own body right now, but the way forward is not by hijramaxxing. You need to build back the comfort you had as a child that was stolen from you by the grueling decay of capitalist modernity.

>>3981

>they represent your inner feminine nature.

No, my inner feminine nature is represented by not Rakul or Sreeleela. They're queens that I wish to be dominated by.

>I use to think you started it because you liked to coom on Rakul

No cooming. Only idealization.

>>4023

If you post an image like that, I think of self-inserting as Usagi and not Guts.

>>4107

I too have had such thoughts, but I think it's simply because of aesthetics. Cute things are cute. I love cats because they're cute. I love cute anime waifus because they're cute. I wish I could pull off the moe moe kyun~ vibe as well, but I am a hairy man, so I will just watch a pyari do it instead.

Doesn't make me feel like I'm lacking anything.

You can appreciate aesthetics and beauty without wanting to self-insert. As a man, you have masculine aesthetics you need to pursue, just like women have theirs.

Hijramaxxing is the perversion of beauty. They look hideous. Instead of pursuing the aesthetics they should, they instead go after something not meant for them.

Our male gods are described as beautiful as well. Does that mean that Shiva or Krishna are dressing like women or acting feminine? No, they are beautiful because they are the personification of the ideal masculine, Purusha.

> basically, increase your testosterone first

>>4149

One of my biggest disadvantage at work is being smaller than my students, and I even look up to girls. My voice is also high pitched and funny. Even students tell me this.

I'm not going to hijramaxx because it's too late for that and I'm going to make my life even harder than it already is. I'm just saying that I simply can't relate to the things your average men do - obsess about cars, money, status, aggression, ruthlessness, dominance, boasting about themselves, telling useless stories about their achievements, climbing social ladder, etc.

In the same way, I am also not able to relate to the "modern" women, aggressive, wanting to stand up and be equal to men, sexually active and "confident", swearing and being aggressive in public, ganging up like a pack of witches, etc.

>>3107(OP)

I miss Shambhavi Pataskar so much

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>3107(OP)

I miss Shambhavi Pataskar so much

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>4228

>things your average men do - obsess about cars, money, status, aggression, ruthlessness, dominance, boasting about themselves, telling useless stories about their achievements, climbing social ladder, etc.

You are describing the average <100IQ jeet though. There's a difference between say a guy like Trump who does all this vs your average wagecuckjeet who can only poorly emulate this.

Can you imagine a man like Kautilya or Shivaji behaving like this? It's true that modern society rewards narcissistic and sociopathic behavior, but that only signifies that society is corrupt and full of adharma.

Your duty as a man is to chase perfection in body, mind, and spirit. Worship the gods. Find a purpose to fulfill. If you want to be a teacher, then you must aim to be the best teacher possible.

As Krishna, Lord of yoga, says,

योग: कर्मसु कौशलम्

> yoga is action performed skillfully

To be the best teacher, you need to be respected first. Nobody listens to one who is not respected.

Modern society doesn't respect teachers or even the act of teaching. So the respect has to be earned/taken. You must practice assertiveness, oration, vocal exercises. You must offer your students something that they find lacking. You must practice detachment.

In the pursuit of excellence, you are already closer to Krishna that most others.

>>4228

>obsess about cars

Same, I refuse to even buy a bike and prefer to go around with my cycle. If I am to ever buy a vehicle, it will be a scooter to be used only when I need to go quick to the market and stuff.

I am so tired. Too much pills to fix my leg and I am now getting side effects. Tiredness and my stomach is hurting so much.

>>4460

Hmm...

Respect has to be earned yes. It's very frustrating when I have to talk with 60+ students in a class and get respect from each and every one of them. I am good when I talk to them individually and teach them individually, but I suck at it when I address them as a group.

I also make a lot of stupid mistakes without thinking twice. Eg. Students take advantage of my "if you want to piss just go do it" rule and they just keep getting up and leaving in packs and they take so much time to come back. I need to start doing something better about this. They don't respect me but they think of me as some harmless housefly who doesn't do anything bad. A total dogville situation. They just sleep, talk, sometimes eat, make jokes with me that interrupts the class and annoys the other students that are listening to me (this is a really bad problem that I need to work on) and I also don't think twice before talking. I have a lot of issues to work on but nothing is about masculinity. Just trying to be the better version of who I am right now.

>>4531

You seriously need to fap more often

>>4531

>I have a lot of issues to work on but nothing is about masculinity. Just trying to be the better version of who I am right now.

They're both connected anon. Masculine doesn't mean just macho. The issues you mentioned previously are related to masculine traits, i.e, masculinity.

I was on the other side of where you are right now. I was the student who had an unimposing lecturer who was just a few years older than us. Poor guy stopped giving a shit a couple of months in. He'd keep teaching to the front row and the board, while everyone else was just noisy or doing their own thing.

We'd ship him with another lecturer mockingly and insinuate things between them. I'm pretty sure we gaslit him into actually confessing. Don't know where it went though. I even smoked weed with him once. I think he was lonely and depressed. Hope he's doing better now.

If I was your student, I'd probably respect you more if you were reserved, carried yourself confidently, were more energetic and passionate while teaching, knew the subject thoroughly enough to refer to things outside of the syllabus and relate it to the current state of the industry and its relation to other disciplines etc., encouraged projects, gave good advice regarding academic things, and so on.

You don't have the personality to gtomaxx, so you should aim to be the smart and composed figure of stability amidst the sea of retarded boomers that is your co-faculty.

You also need to bring in a certain level of decorum in your classroom. Right now it's like those little cunts have free reign. You were too lenient from day 1 so now even if you want to be strict they'll laugh you off.

So create situations where naturally silence and order is required.

Use teaching aides like a projector and play some videos etc. where they cannot cause disturbance. Do it Pavlovian style. During these times you must also act reserved and smart, maybe pau

>>4765

Maybe pause the video and interject with a relevant observation/explanation.

You can try to expand their worldview beyond the mere four walls of their tier 69 college.

Naturally, some of them will not want to learn no matter what and will still be a nuisance, but I'm sure you can make a significant portion of the class interested in the subject, and thus interested in the one who teaches the subject - you. Interested not in the personal sense, but interested in making sure that you can teach them without issue.

Yesterday was a depressing day.

Yesterday I was asked to do exam supervision and I was being strict. I raised my voice, I made people sit in their positions (but the students were very adamant and kept saying I don't want to I don't want to and after a point it became so distracting so I had to give in - mistake 1).

Then I kept saying don't talk and don't copy and a student even asked me "sir why are you so serious today?" but after a point I just couldn't put on the act anymore so I gave in and some students started to copy and I just got irritated with it and stopped repeating myself - mistake 2.

I should've escalated the response that I did - first warning stop talking, second warning don't copy, third warning, if you copy I will report it to class teacher, fourth warning - writing malpractice on paper, etc. - mistake 3 - I hate that I have to be "bad" in situations like this and make enemies with the student. I hate this. I hate making others feel bad.

Some students were making fun of a guy and telling me to check him and I didn't bother to. I just said stop making fun of him and focus on your exam. Only when collecting the paper I found that he was using his fucking cellphone and was copying. I should've reported this but I didn't because I made the mistake of not checking him and I also didn't want to make the stupid student feel bad by reporting the issue - mistake 4.

My stupid blabbermouth doesn't shut up for 2 and kept talking about stupid things to students. I should've been quiet but I talked with a student and made jokes and it disrupted the whole exam and everyone started to talk - mistake 5.

Lot of mistakes yesterday in just 2 hours.

... and on top of this I came to know how unethical a lot of things are at my college. The hostel is shit, and a student got frustrated that none of their complaints got actually addressed and the whole place is shit

>>4801

... so the student complained to the approval authority and emailed them how shit the hostel is and for that he got warned, threatened, and kicked out of the college. They use students to do menial jobs like lifting benches and moving experiments before audits, sticking labels and other bullshit stuff. Everyone are so self-preserving and only care about keeping their job and not getting shouted at by the administration.

One student even made fun of me when I said if I were a teacher I would not give you question papers before tests or exams and his reply was "go ahead, do it, we are not the ones that are going to suffer, you are. You are the one that is going to answer why there are so many failures in the test and get scolded for it. Not us".

Everything in here is about numbers. Number of students who passed their internal assessments, number of students who failed, number of rooms, number of research papers, number of citations, number of experiments, number number number. Every thing is about kissing and getting approval of authorities like AICTE or UGC or whatever.

I don't even know if I am working among good people who actually care about students. Maybe some do but I can't see it. But I can see people who don't give a fuck about students but mainly care about preserving themselves ALL THE FUCKING TIME and it's a depressing sight.

Some students have also branded me as a "free period" teacher. When I enter, at least 20 to 30 students get up and ask for bathroom breaks. Some of them just close their notebooks and go sit next to their friends and talk. Other things. I feel stupid and useless because I'm letting all these things happen around me and I'm not doing anything.

>>4765

>>4768

Thank you for this advice yaar.

Yes I have been too stupid and fresherly during my first days and almost all students I interact with have worked me up and found out that I am harmless. I need to start working on things.

>reserved

I am an oversharing chatterbox and I definitely hate it.

>carried yourself confidently

I am useless and I feel worthless all the time.

>more energetic

I am tired all the time because I can barely get sleep and I am overworked.

>passionate while teaching

No engineering happens in India.

>knew the subject thoroughly enough

That... yes I do.

>smart

Nope.

>composed figure of stability

HAHAHA I have BPD.

>amidst the sea of retarded boomers

They don't see me as a figure of stability but they see me as a venting space and come to tell me about their problems all the time. It can be exhausting.

Today I went to supervise a test at another department, IT, and wow... it was like I entered another college. Everyone were silent, nobody talked, justified cheating, slept, ate, used phones to cheat, etc.

I actually feel good that I was able to manage and supervise the test without any malpractice or mistakes. I told about this to another staff and he just said that's mostly because they don't know you and all students are capable of misbehaving.

After that some students who I teach saw me and actually thanked me for being so interactive in the staff group and constantly posting useful study materials that help them pass. That felt good too. This sounds wrong in some way as if I am doing it for the attention and to make myself look better than the people around me.

I hate all these bullshit audits with fake manipulated data and eyewash but ultimately I have to always constantly remember that I am there for to make the lives of the tier 69 students less miserable if possible and my salary.

>>5193

Good job yaara

>>3107(OP)

My idealism was destroyed when people said she wasn't real

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vTfCblvgs0?feature=shared[embed]

>>5534

I am her sunshine

I tore my ligament on my left leg.

I broke my toe on my right leg and the underside is painful.

I work under a shitty boss who only cares about his own interests and self-preservation that all he does is ask things but do little to nothing and lies his ass all the time.

I am used and made fun of my students who think of me as some time pass material and don't really respect me.

I have gut and digestion issues.

I have no goals, no dreams, no aspirations, nothing.

My only "friend" doesn't like me and I don't like him either.

I have only one "trustworthy" coworker and even they are not reliable and unavailable.

I am so young to the point I can't relate to the coworkers of mine, and I am so old to the point I can't relate to my students. I am stuck somewhere in the middle in the whole college campus.

I suck at teaching things if I am not prepared or good at it already. I basically just watch youtube videos and repeat it in class.

I can barely get erections without porn.

I can't find personal time to care for myself.

I don't know what I am doing with my life.

I don't have the courage to kill myself.

Despite all this, I want to live.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PGppDW8kD0[embed]

>>5895

>I can barely get erections without porn.

Stop cooming yaara

Also good job

>>5901

What good job am I doing?

>>5911

Yaar just showing up and being there is more than enough. I'm proud of you. I know things are not better here but trust me once you get one year of experience you can join any coaching institute. I'm saying this as I'm looking opportunities all around. Just prepare one subject well. Maths, Physics or Chem. With real experience of teaching in college, it would be very easy. And just show experience as private tutor before this job. Salaries start from 25k at least. Way less stress and work.

>>5916

I don't think I'm any good working with people. It's not a job that I imagine myself to be in.

Maybe I should just focus on my goal of setting up a xerox shop and do digital graphics with it (draw porn like all the tumblr artists to make money because AI will steal these kind of jobs).

Maybe I could be a psychotherapist.

Not this. Not interacting with kids, zoomers and boomers.

>>6045

Sounds good yaar

Xerox, DTP, Publishing, Binding and laminating always a good business yaar

>>5916

yeah exactly and he can teach students on the side for extra cash too. Not everything is over even though I always put it that way. Yes the system has blocked a lot of paths for people like us but we can still make a living within it and do what we want with that cash.

>>6045

>>6094

yep xerox sounds good maybe look into specialised printing shops that prints those hoardings. They are always busy, busier than xerox shops.

I think, I will do some govt paid course in computer/mobile/bike repair and open up a shop after working for a chamaar for a few months and understand the business. Either that or will look into ITI and see if they still hire people of my age. I wish I had done some electrician's course, I wouldn't have any shortage of work. If all things fail, I will try one of these I guess.

Bros don't give up on life. Majority of the human race who are subhumans and deserve death are thriving. If those subhumans can, so can we.

>>6045

>draw porn like all the tumblr artists

Draw porn comics. Standalone porn images are too easily replacable. Comics are not. They also keep the viewers hooked.

>>6131

Yaar get into Electronics repairairing. I'm talking about PCB, Laptops, TVs, Monitors etc. Lotsof cash in that. If you learn assembling PC, then double that.

My dad got liver disease and it got very bad with us going to hospital every other day. The Pajeet doctooors convinced us "do a liver transplant in 6 months vro no other treatment for cirrhosis vro". We gathered a shitton of money and we got it done. Now the Pajeeted doctooors fucked up and now he will die soon. Millions of rupees and months of peace of mind gone and my dad would have lived for another year or two if we just did nothing. I'm a medical student even and my faith in this modern medicine Jewish faggotry is done for.

>>6528

Is liver cirrosis even treatable? I would rather die after having my Emergency Room moment if I have cirrosis rather than pay those jews to do nothing.

Take care of your father anon. Bring him whatever he wants to eat. If he wants to, hire him a ladies of the night. I hate my father sometimes but he is one of the few men looking after my well being even though it is in his own twisted and retarded way. I do kinda love him.

>>6540

He has been hospitalised and mostly bedridden for the past 2 months after the surgery. He is in a semi-comatose state and I can't even properly communicate with him and he has been moved to ICU today. The jewdoctoors are pessimistic too.

There is no treatment that can reverse cirrhosis( except stem cell treatment but this is Pajeetland) and the only solution is getting a new liver transplanted. But the doctors fucked up and he is going to die. Worst of all we will never get justice. My only option is to go ER on the hospital hopefully after I work and accumulate some money.

I put forth the idea of transplantation because I fell for the modern medicine meme and the guilt will slowly consume me till it makes me go ER.

>>6540

We did this because dying of liver failure is horrible. You look all yellow, you feel tired all the time, sleep messed up because of ammonia in your blood, limbs all swollen and everytime you vomit you are scared shirtless of a stream of blood coming out of your mouth, and your body is all bruised over because it fucks up your blood clotting

>>6528

Always make sure to get multiple consultations before you do important operations yaaro.

Have you ever come across a doctor who made a mistake and accepted that they fucked up?

It's an extremely rare situation. Many doctors, especially surgeons, lack empathy. That's why they can treat bodies like bodies and not human beings when they operate people. To them their patients are just projects they work on and statistics that they add to themselves and they act like they shit out gold nuggets.

>>6555

>>6565

Brutal yaar.

Liver is so important but people often forget that it's in our body. They eat fatty food and drink their ass off only to realize that they messed up a lot later. Scary symptoms.

>>6787

We did multiple consultations. The first was obviously a greedy hand rubbing Jew so we stayed clear off him. The second one is the famous Liverdoc Twitter shill who adviywe do it in 6 months. We got it done at what was supposedly the most advanced health facility in the state but it's run by a cult (it creeped me out but my handooo family was comfy with it). But only after we got it done we came to know about their various fuckups(one donor died after they robotically accidently slashed his vena cava). This is strange because everyone in my native goes there for surgery. Hell the same team of doctors operated on my granny for colony cancer 3 years ago and she's still fine.

>>6789

Absolutely broootal yaar

Feeling sad now

>>6920

My dad died today. Posting here because I have no one else to inform.

>>7515

He has beaten the shit out of me in shaky grounds many times, forced me into a career I don't like but I still loved him yaaro. I already miss him so much.

>>7515

Om shanti. My condolences anon.

I hope you have people around you that can help you with things. I don't even want to imagine what I'd do if something happened to my parents.

Wish I could you a hug right now..

>>7515

Om Shanti

>>7515

>>7517

take care fren, it will be alright

>>7515

Om shanti yaar. But, remember that we aren't your real friends or anything. Console your mataji. Take care

>>6528

Wtf what happened bhai

>>6787

Reddit tier take

Do you know about the conditions of other side? ( playing the devils advocate)

>>7663

No, I don't know the other side.

I've talked to a lot of """""""EXPERIENCED"""""""" doctors and I am damn sure that they are all narcissists. Why do they all act so high and mighty?

>>7517

Now I want revenge against the surgeon who fucked this up. It is my conviction that he should've never allowed my mom as a liver donor. But I can't fight in court they're all sellouts. I'd walk into his OP and stab his guts out but my mom will be all alone if I go to jail. I'll have to find some other way, a car bomb maybe.

What am I supposed to do when the principal at the place I work looks and behaves like this guy?

Me and other staff of our dept. were constantly being made to wait and do "pending work" without giving any instructions or resources to us by my HOD and he just leaves somewhere else. We are all sitting there stuck not even knowing what to do. One of the frustrated staff called the HOD and told him that we are all tired and we have been working continuously for so long and we need to take care of personal shit, and for that he just said if you have any problem just go talk to the principal get permission and leave.

After a point, and with so much disunity among the staff with some staying back and not coming in and some coming in because they had to go, half went in and spoke to the principal telling that we need to go home but there is work pending, and he just made everyone feel so bad. I don't even remember what happened because it's just that bad. He even pointed out at me and said "someone who just joined 2 months ago comes and directly talks to me. What kind of dept. is this?". He then started to talk about how he works till 12 at night and how he didn't eat and blah blah and his own story like the narcissist he is. He earns 1 lakh, let him suffer. I earn peanuts. So do the others. Why should I?

Workers really need help and to voice out our concern when we are being exploited, but everyone at the top are so shit. Disgusting bourgeoisie. This is how a communist is born. Very depressing experience. He asks questions, and I just honestly answer and I get humiliated for it. Narcissists. Seriously, TND. N = Narcissist not (by the way I am a nigger)s.